Cholesterol 229 -- diet and exercise required, doctors say.

Residents of Elkhart Indiana were stunned Wednesday morning to learn that Dave Dufour, software salesman, actor/director and raconteur, was found to have a cholesterol count of 229. Dufour could not be reached for comment, but a source close to the Dufour family said "He's too goddam fat, is the problem. I mean, the guy is honey-ham on stilts. Just look at him, for Chrissake."

Less charitable acquaintances, who refused to be named, referred to him as "tubby", "lard-ass" , and "Al Roker, the early years."

Dufour, currently in seclusion, plans drastic measures.